The following 6 months can easily be all placed within those 4 words of frustration above. Within that time there were 2 belt tests and I wasn't ready for either. I had not progressed as much as I wanted and needed, and I had the added pleasure of a pretty serious shoulder injury.
Yes, the right shoulder was kicking up again, this time, with a lot more seriousness.
In the beginning, I tried ignoring and fighting through the pain, but when it gets to the point that one cannot lift up one's right arm, it gets really hard to ignore.
During this time, I would sporadically try to train, and when I could not, it was because I was not able to due to the pain. For about 4 months, I tried to lower the intensity of the training, avoiding anything that put any stress on the shoulder, lots of anti-inflammatory drugs and resting it whenever I could.
None of it helped, indeed it got to the point that instead of advancing, I was backsliding in my skills, but what else was I to do?
None of it helped, indeed it got to the point that instead of advancing, I was backsliding in my skills, but what else was I to do?
I missed the April belt test but attended as a photographer, an act that also left my shoulder burning in pain for several days. At that point there was no denying it, it was time to see the doctor again. The appointment was set for a month into the future.
A month passed, and though I tried to come back and attend and participate the best I could, I missed more than I gained. The date of the appointment came, I went and the doctors did their tests, X-rays, ultrasounds and mentioned possible shoulder surgery, after which, if this was to happen, there was a mandatory 6-8 months of absolutely no BJJ and only light physiotherapy only after 6 months had passed, with another 4 months more before BJJ could be returned to on a limited basis, if at all.
Then they said I may never return due to the resultant arthritis and/or tendonitis resultant from the surgery thanks to my age. Talk about stress!
I had to wait a week before the results came in. The week passed and I got a call from the doctor to come in to the office (something that I considered a bad sign... why call in a healthy person?). Well, the news was nowhere near as bad as I had feared. I was to stop all BJJ and let the shoulder heal. The injury was borderline in terms of needing surgery, and it was a lot worse than the last time they had looked... but I was not going under the knife! I was then to give it lots of time to heal and start gradual physiotherapy. So I sucked it up and decided to abstain from BJJ for a full month.
A month passed, and though I tried to come back and attend and participate the best I could, I missed more than I gained. The date of the appointment came, I went and the doctors did their tests, X-rays, ultrasounds and mentioned possible shoulder surgery, after which, if this was to happen, there was a mandatory 6-8 months of absolutely no BJJ and only light physiotherapy only after 6 months had passed, with another 4 months more before BJJ could be returned to on a limited basis, if at all.
Then they said I may never return due to the resultant arthritis and/or tendonitis resultant from the surgery thanks to my age. Talk about stress!
I had to wait a week before the results came in. The week passed and I got a call from the doctor to come in to the office (something that I considered a bad sign... why call in a healthy person?). Well, the news was nowhere near as bad as I had feared. I was to stop all BJJ and let the shoulder heal. The injury was borderline in terms of needing surgery, and it was a lot worse than the last time they had looked... but I was not going under the knife! I was then to give it lots of time to heal and start gradual physiotherapy. So I sucked it up and decided to abstain from BJJ for a full month.
Let me tell you right off the bat, that this was the longest and most agonizing month in terms of BJJ because I could not have it in my life. I'll not bore you further with how depressing I was as a human during that month (akin to a heavy smoker denied their dose of nicotine), but once that month passed, the shoulder did not feel all that much better, and that's what really got to me.
Looking for an indirect way to get my dose of "Jits", I decided to visit the school and just watch. Man, that was TOUGH. First off, a lot of the guys greeted me very warmly and that just made me realize more of what I was missing, but the funniest part was when at one point, one of the guys on the mat was trying to demo a technique to a new guy and it wasn't working and so called to me to come to him and help demonstrate. I was 1/2-way standing up when I realized that I should not, and indeed... could not. I may have been laughing outside, but inside I was mad at myself and my errant misbehaving shoulder.
A couple days later, I left to spend a week with my lovely lady in Ontario. She came up with a great idea of letting me visit her massage therapist who would do a series of ultrasound treatments and physiotherapy sessions. During that week, I had the chance to go 3 times, and it did help. Honestly, if someone told me that this stuff would do anything good, I would have scoffed, however, the shoulder really was feeling better. Maybe this was the start to getting better instead of worse.
A couple days later, I left to spend a week with my lovely lady in Ontario. She came up with a great idea of letting me visit her massage therapist who would do a series of ultrasound treatments and physiotherapy sessions. During that week, I had the chance to go 3 times, and it did help. Honestly, if someone told me that this stuff would do anything good, I would have scoffed, however, the shoulder really was feeling better. Maybe this was the start to getting better instead of worse.
Coming back to Montreal, I decided enough was enough and that I was going to come in for a day to see how it felt. That week we discovered that one of our satellite schools had an issue and had to close for a while, and so they were invited to our school. There were a few more faces in class and I had the chance to see a few friends who lived in that area as well.
Though I was happy to be able to roll with a few new people, I was still concerned about the shoulder, sure it was hurting, but I was determined to just take it very easy and roll carefully, telling everyone that I rolled with to not pressure my right shoulder because it was injured. Things were going quite well... I was hurting, but as long as I did not push that shoulder, it was workable.
At one point we were told to change partners and I was placed against another white belt, so felt no great concerns, especially since I was having good results telling people of the injury and their response to it. I did the same with this guy, told him that I was rolling slow due to injury and to please not pressure my right shoulder because it was hurting. He smiled in understanding, we bumped fists and the FIRST damn thing he did was try to kimura (shoulder lock) my right arm... I was like WTF???
At one point we were told to change partners and I was placed against another white belt, so felt no great concerns, especially since I was having good results telling people of the injury and their response to it. I did the same with this guy, told him that I was rolling slow due to injury and to please not pressure my right shoulder because it was hurting. He smiled in understanding, we bumped fists and the FIRST damn thing he did was try to kimura (shoulder lock) my right arm... I was like WTF???
I pulled out of the shoulder lock and was going to give this kid a talking to but he suddenly turned ballistic for a submission and went from one to another without stop. All I could think of was "don't give him the satisfaction!" and defended the best I could.
At one point I swept him and put all my 230 pounds of weight on his chest, something that I've never done to anyone before out of respect, and just pinned him down, not to submit him but to get him to slow down a bit. My position was open just enough that he was able to recover half guard, and again he went for my right arm. I pulled it out not caring if it was stabbing with pain, and continued.
I'd like to say that during that 6 minute roll that I subbed the guy, but I could not, and that pissed me off a little, but what pissed me off more was the total lack of respect that the guy showed. I should have just tapped and stopped the fight, but I was quite put out with him... though afterward I was mostly disappointed with my lack of skills. If I was just a little bit better, I could have controlled the situation better... but I wasn't.
I should have been better and in a real way, I felt as if I let myself down.
The real surprise was when Sensei walked over to me. My first thought was "uh-oh, here it comes, he is going to bitch me out for not being able to put on a better performance with this kid...". He looked at me, with a bit of an angry look in his eyes and said that he was proud of me for being able to hold this guy off, and that he was mad at this kid. I was quite shocked, but of course I agreed with him, there was a lack of respect shown, but ok... it's over now and I'll use it to make me a better grappler at some later date.
Surprise number 2... I discovered that my mind did not let me forget the negative experience. Amazing how much it riled me up inside... enough that I basically did not sleep that night as I relived the experience over and over. Only until sometime around 4:00am did it ease up enough that I fell asleep for an hour. Sure, my mind came up with dozens of ways that I could have performed better, but the reality was that even for a white belt... I'm not all that good.
Still, it's all ok, because this was a great learning experience and will make me a better grappler in the long term.
The good news was that I had a proper learning experience. The bad news was that I had easily set my shoulder recovery back at least several more weeks, if not months, and here is where I realized that it was 2 just weeks from the July belt test day. The following week, I tested the shoulder often for pain... no dice, it was hurting too much.
I finally had to admit that I was not going to be able to do the July test, so I spoke to Sensei about it and we both agreed that it was better that I possibly try for the September test depending on how the shoulder progresses during this time.
The small disappointment in this was that I *really* wanted to have earned the belt before my 54th birthday (which was less than a week after the July test), and I failed.
I finally had to admit that I was not going to be able to do the July test, so I spoke to Sensei about it and we both agreed that it was better that I possibly try for the September test depending on how the shoulder progresses during this time.
The small disappointment in this was that I *really* wanted to have earned the belt before my 54th birthday (which was less than a week after the July test), and I failed.
Bad news: No chance to test again.
Good news: I have a chance to improve and ready myself for the September test which is held on the last Sunday of the month.
More to come as I move on in my experiences with BJJ!
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